Wanting memories...

I don't know what the appropriate Mother's Day tribute is to this amazing woman.  I could wish for a chance to tell her how grateful I am, how every day, I hear her lessons in my mind, hear her words coming out of my mouth, feel her life-force in my veins, and her love so deeply in my soul.  I could hope to tell her that the sound of birds, the smell of a maple blossom, the warmth of a kitchen feel like her arms around me, and her voice in my ear whispering, "I'm still here".  I could tell her that the miss is visceral, but so is the presence, and I am simultaneously sad and overjoyed.  I could say thank you.  I could say "I love you".  I could say "I'm sorry I was a teenager".  I could say "please, just one more day in your kitchen".  Those are things I could have done.  But could have dones, and could have beens are just regrets.  So instead, I will tell my children that the sound of birds in the spring, and the smell of maple blossoms, and a warm kitchen remind me of my Gram.  I will tell them how the new hope of Spring smells and feels, and share it with them.  I will teach my children her lessons, "with one hand we wash the other", "every potato is a decision", "don't get tarred with the same brush", and "no one has dominion over your mind".  I will teach them to be fair, and to consider others as well as themselves.  To live a life of kindness, and wonder in all things.  To treat yourself, and everyone else with respect.  To be ladies, and gentlemen.  To never date someone not worthy of being married to you.  I will teach them to be generous, because you never know when you will need the kindness of someone else.  I will teach them about kiss-me-quicks (those dips in the road that make your heart skip a beat), and how you can suck the sweet nectar out of a purple vinca blossom.  I will teach them to respect nature, and everything the earth gives us.  I will tell them stories about being in her kitchen, and cooking at her side, and how "we learn to do by doing".  I will teach my kids to sew, and to mend, and "as ye sew, so shall ye rip".  I will teach my children that I am with them ALWAYS, and they are loved WITHOUT condition.  I will tell my children "thank you", and "I love you", and "I'm sorry".  I will give my children one more day.  So that one day, when I look back, not only will I have paid homage to a beautiful soul, I will hopefully have given that same gift to my children, and many, many years from now, they will hear my whisper in the wind, and my heartbeat in the raindrops, and they, too, will know.

Sweet Honey in the Rock - Wanting Memories (click)

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes

You used to rock me in the cradle of your arms
You said you'd hold me til the pains of life were gone
You said you'd comfort me in times like these
and now I need you
Now I need you
And you are gone

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes
Since you've gone and left me
There's been so little beauty
But I know I saw it clearly through your eyes

Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place
Here inside I have few things that will console
And when I try to hear your voice above the storms of life
Then I remember
all the things that I was told

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes

I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young
I think on the things that made me laugh
made me dance
made me sing
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride
I think on these things
For they are true

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes
I thought that you were gone
But now I know you're with me
You are the voice that whispers all I need to hear

I know a please, a thank you, and a smile will take me far
I know that I am you and you are me and we are one
I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand
I know that I've been blessed
Again
and over again

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes
I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world
Through my own eyes